The sample with the built-in bias -- The well-chosen average -- The little figures that are not there -- Much ado about practically nothing -- The gee-whiz graph -- The one-dimensional picture -- The semiattached figure -- Post hoc rides again -- How to statisticulate -- How to talk back to a statistic. A "humorous dissertation on statistical prevarication. The sample with the built-in bias, the well-chosen average, the insignificant difference, the one-dimensional picture, and the unwarranted assumption are among the subjects treated."