The authors show how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing bad behavior. Behind the problems that routinely plague organizations and families, you'll find individuals who are either unwilling or unable to deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, failed to live up to commitments, or just plain behaved badly--and nobody steps up to the issue. Or they do, but do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems. Accountability suffers and new problems spring up. New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating, they're costly--sapping organizational performance and accounting for most divorces. This book teaches you how to deal with violated expectations in a way that solves the problem at hand, and doesn't harm the relationship--and in fact, even strengthens it.-- Foreword / Tom Peters -- Preface -- Introduction: What's a crucial confrontation? And who cares? -- Part one: Work on me first : what to do before a crucial confrontation. Choose what and if : how to know what crucial confrontation to hold and if you should hold it ; Master my stories : how to get your head right before opening your mouth -- Part two: Confront with safety : what to do during a crucial confrontation. Describe the gap : how to start a crucial confrontation ; Make it motivating : how to help others want to take action ; Make it easy : how to make keeping commitments (almost) painless ; Stay focused and flexible : what to do when others get sidetracked, scream, or sulk -- Part three: Move to action : what to do after a crucial confrontation. Agree on a plan and follow up : how to gain commitment and move to action ; Put it all together : how to solve big, sticky, complicated problems ; The twelve "yeah-buts" : how to deal with the truly tough -- Appendix A: Where do you stand? : a self assessment for measuring your crucial confrontation skills -- Appendix B: Six-source diagnostic questions : the six-source model -- Appendix C: When things go right -- Appendix D: Discussion questions for reading groups.